Live poker!

So, the career as a poker professional is officially over. Nothing too massive to report on that front, just a combination of an epic downswing with a lack of enthusiasm for the game, the grind, the variance, and the uncertainty. I began searching for a real job (i.e. one that utilizes my degree and experience) - "I decided it was time to get a grown-up job again" is my line to my friends and coworkers - and started some contract engineering work for a packaging company based in Canada. It's not the most scintillating of work - controlling a bunch of conveyors, mostly - but it pays the rent and is steady money, and still affords me decent stretches of free time. The goal is to get into full-time employment, but until then I'm in a pretty good spot. I've moved back up to the Fox Valley in Wisconsin, where I spent three years from 2001-2004, which I can say without reservation was the happiest I've been in my post-college life.

There are also a few casinos in the area, and in this most recent stretch of downtime, I found an opportunity to make the half hour drive up to Green Bay and sit in the $1-3NL game at a local Indian casino.

I've missed live poker. It's something that I pretty aggressively eschewed while I was trying to make a living at the game, since I didn't have the bankroll to play at any stakes that really could have made up for the slow rate of play and lack of multitabling, but I always did enjoy it. For one, the quality of play is just abysmal. Even the more competent players pretty much suck, and would get torn to pieces even at 100NL online.

So I get my seat at the table at around 1pm, seat 6 at the 1-3 table, buy in for $300, at take note of my opposition. Nothing to be worried about. Only the kid to my left, in Seat 7, a geeky-looking kid with a quiet demeanor, seemed to have any competence whatsoever.

Seat 1 was an absolute whale, a fat, jowly, quick-to-tilt businessman who was constitutionally incapable of folding any hand that made any contact with the board, for any price.

Seat 10 was a young, aggressive (read: maniac) Asian kid who berated Seat 7 for folding JQo UTG. "What are you waiting to play, aces?" he asked. I chuckled.

Seat 2 was another maniac, a young white kid, probably early 20's, with Ray Bans and an intense demeanor. Terrible player.

Seat 5, to my right, was a genial and intelligent man that was cracking whip-smart jokes and who was also an absolute calling station. Some people are just too nice for poker.

In any case, one of the first hands I witnessed involved Young Asian Kid 3betting Ray Ban to 120 from the big blind - he was a fan of enormously-sized 3bets. Ray Ban snap-called pre and called a $50 cbet on a K42 flop, checking behind on two more blank streets. Ray Ban tabled K7s. "King's good," Y.A.K. pronounced, a bit disgustedly. I could only chuckle. While there's some merit, at times, to floating a 3bet from position with the intent of stealing a pot from an aggressive player, and changing the plan once you hit some showdown value, it sort of loses its luster when the 3bet is 2x pot and for more than 1/3 of your stack. Everyone congratulated him on his good call. I salivated.

The whale in seat one won a $400 pot where he called down enormous value bets from Ray Ban on the flop and turn with bottom pair, rivered two pair, led out a tiny value bet (like $10 into almost $400), and cackled for being "paid off" when Ray Ban disgustedly called with TPTK. Ray Ban proceeded to go on complete and total monkey tilt and blow through nearly $1k.

I couldn't do much of anything as I was completely card-dead, calling with a few pocket pairs here and there to set mine and folding overcard flops. I drifted down to a $200 stack, then made most of it back on successive hands where I raised a limped pot from the button with 77, got 4 callers, and cbet an AKQr flop after everyone checked. They folded. I also took down a pot with AK, cbetting an ace high flop, getting me close to up to even.

The next interesting pot I was involved in was K6s from late position. The whale limped and everyone folded to me. I decided this was prime time to isolate, so I raised it to $20. Everyone folded and I was heads-up with the whale, who donked $15 into me on a K87 rainbow flop. I called. He donked $15 again on an offsuit deuce, and again I called, thinking he would certainly overvalue a lot of his one-pair hands and draws. The river was not pretty, a 9, and this time he bet $85. I reluctantly folded, thinking there was maybe a 25% chance he was value-owning himself with a worse one-pair hand.

That took me down below $200 and I rebought back up to 300. The whale left the table, up about $600, to everyone's disappointment. He was replaced by a young overweight player with a better-than-average grasp on the game, for the table at least.

Y.A.K., whose stack at one point had been over $1k but had dwindled to about $150, made it $10 from UTG, and every single player at the table called the bet including me on the button with Qd 9d. The flop comes 6d 5d 2s and he checked. The whale replacement in Seat 1 led out for $40 and I called, as did a player behind me. Y.A.K. then check-shoved for the remaining $100, the Whale Replacement called, the player behind me folded out of turn, and I knew I was hopelessly priced in if I thought my flush was live. I called. Y.A.K. had 63o (lol!) and the Whale Replacement disgustingly revealed 7d Td for the lower flush draw. Unfortunately the turn and river completely bricked out (a 6 and a deuce), Y.A.K's monster held and I won a tiny side pot with queen high.

My next big hand occurred when I was at about $265, there were two reluctant late position limps from weak tight players, and I made it $20 to go from the big blind with ATo. One caller, the button, and the flop came the beautiful rainbow TT5. I led out $35 and the button, who was a nondescript middle-aged weak-tight player, quickly called. I noted that he seemed very comfortable. The turn was an unhappy 9, but no card would have changed the plan of setting up a reasonable river shove. I bet $75, and the BTN sat back and pretended to think. I recognize a good Hollywood when I see it, and was only hoping he didn't flop the joint with 55 or turn it with 9T. Eventually he min-raised. I had about another minraise behind (I was covered), and declared "okay, let's get the rest in." He grumbled, "ace-ten?" which was a weight off my shoulders. He called and showed KT. The river brought a scary paint card, but it was only a queen, and I doubled up to a very healthy stack.

A few hands later I caught QTo on the BTN and was like the 45th limper into the pot. The flop came AKx and we checked around. The turn was another brick, it was checked around again, and I decided to take a $10 stab with queen high. Everyone folded except for the player in seat 5, who had replaced the genial station, who had gone broke. He had a $100 stack. The river came a beautiful Jack, giving me the nuts. He checked, I made it $40, he shoved, and I turbo-called. He said "your straight is good" and tabled AQo. WTF! I'm sure he felt very unlucky about that river. I wonder if it would ever occur to him that it would be a good idea to play the hand differently...

That brought me to a very healthy stack, but I proceeded to go completely card dead for the next four hours or so. Barely a single playable hand. I did manage to catch kings at one point, and shove over the top of an undercard flop against a middle-aged black woman that was a terrible calling station, but she didn't pay me off, nor did the station three seats to my right that balked after I turned the nut flush.

That didn't quite make up for the spec hands I was seeing flops with in huge multiway hands against players to whom any top pair is the immortal nuts, and whiffing completely.

Eventually the table almost broke - we got down as low as 4-handed, as a tournament started that I had wanted to buy into but was told I needed a membership card for that. I'll look into getting one the next time I visit the casino. Playing short-handed was great as I felt empowered to open up my game a bit and put pressure on my mostly weak-tight opponents.

And, as it turns out, sticking around in the 1-3 game as the tournament is going on is incredibly +EV, since the people who bust out of the tournament right away are a) more likely to be awful, b) very likely to be on tilt. The table started to fill back up and we got a taste of that right away:

The player to my left, who had replaced the competent kinda-nerdy kid, was acting as Table Captain, not so much in his play as in his commentary. He was one of those perpetually angry know-it-alls not playing so much for money as to demonstrate his own superiority.

To his left was a very, very, very well-built white boy who was maybe the worst poker player I've ever seen.

Yeah, that's a recipe for some fun.

Sure enough, Table Captain raised from UTG, Built White Boy called as did the rest of the table, including me with QTo. The flop came Ts 6d 5d and it was checked to a Very Large Black Dude (from his table chatter with the dealers, it appeared he was a personal trainer and a regular. He was a decent player, too. He led out for $20. Two players to my right called, as did I, somewhat reluctantly. Table captain immediately shoved for $200. The Built White Boy insta-called, as did a short stack on my right. I actually considered a call, as it seemed to me like Table Captain was on some sort of combo draw and because Built White Boy could have almost anything. Eventually I wussed out. Table Captain indeed had 9d Td, and Built White Boy has Ks 5s for bottom pair no draw (the third guy had a straight draw).

Needless to say a king came on the turn and we all braced for the Phil Hellmuth style rant.

Instead we got a much more sinister needling, with Table Captain incessantly asking Built White boy if he thought his five was good, if he's rich, if this is his first time playing, basically those three sarcastic questions for the next full hour.

Then, of course, Table Captain calls my UTG raise (bear in mind that I am the tightest player at the table BY FAR) with 8Jo, flops the second nuts on a 9TQdd flop (I had AK), gets all-in with two players. He whines incessantly about what was admittedly not an ideal turn (the 8 of diamonds) as nobody had turned their hand up yet, but still scooped the entire pot when the river bricked out and he was up against two players with two pair.

Then, even AFTER he scoops the pot, he's still berating the dealer for that crappy turn card! [i]Dude, you scooped the fucking pot![/i]

And then, of course, he immediately gets up and leaves. I guess if you're going to represent the worst there is about poker players - poor quality of play, atrocious table manners, incessant fishtank-tapping, hit-and-running, and general failure at life - you might as well go for the Perfect Storm.

I stayed for several more hours and eventually got pretty stuck. We were down to 6-handed when my next interesting hand happened. There was one limper to my CO, the decent overweight player in Seat 1, and I decided I was going for it this hand with 2d 5d. I made it $15 to go, the BTN called (a well-groomed guy in his late 20's with a very crisp goatee, who was quite a poor player) as did the limper. I was hoping to isolate it heads up against a player that can actually fold, but no such luck.

Still, the flop gave some hope with Ad Qd Jc. Interestingly the competent limper led out for $25. At this point I had a little over $200 in my stack, and his lead-out seemed kind of weak, so I popped it to $95 hoping to end the hand here and now. Instead, the well-groomed man on the button flabbergasted me by cold-calling! The competent limper had looked like he was ready to fold, but then the cold-call seemed to change his mind, and he called as well.

Suddenly, needless to say, I'm not looking so much for a diamond anymore.

The turn gave the 3s, and interesting brick since I now actually have a hyper-concealed gutshot. Limper checks, and I have $105 remaining with almost $400 in the pot. No way does either of them fold a draw here, I think, so the best I can do is check and hope for the best. The button quickly checks as well, and I notice him staring intently as the river card comes down.

It's an offsuit queen, one of the better cards in the deck for me I think, and the big blind looks positively disgusted at it. Not in any fake, performance way, just in his breathing, the way his jaw is positioned, and the glare in his eyes. He doesn't notice I'm staring him down.

The limper is doing a better job of concealing his emotions, but the two straight checks are a pretty dead giveaway that he's not particularly strong either, so on a wing and a prayer I shove my last $105 in. The button immediately folds and the limper thinks for a minute, playing with his cards and staring me down as I stare blankly at the board, trying to think of a name for a character in a short story I'm writing. The playing with his cards is a good thing. He doesn't ever really cut out any chips. Eventually his cards hit the muck and I'm back in black, baby. I breath an exaggerated sigh of relief and show the bluff face up. Everyone at the table is a bit taken aback.

The button is just staring at me, mouth open, shaking his head. "The queen was a good card to bluff," I said by way of explanation, meaning that it made my story a bit more believable, in that I maybe had QK or QT or some sort of flop semi-bluff. Obviously the button had diamonds (some people are just constitutionally incapable of folding a flush draw for any price), and I think the limper had either JT or JK, for a pair+gutshot, or possibly diamonds himself.

He seemed to take offense to my comment. "I don't mind the needle," he said, "it's part of the game, but karma's a bitch."

Damn. I was unaware that my actions were jeopardizing my karma. "I didn't mean anything maliciously," I clarify, but he's not interested. I decide to shut up.

There's not much more action until very late in the night, a pleasant woman has joined the table and moved to the "lucky seat" two to my right, where a few lucky double-ups have occurred. I chuckle. Two seats to my right, I venture a guess to myself, is not likely to be that lucky. The truth of that is borne out a few hands later.

The woman, who for her part was fairly competent, and at least would talk about how she was getting "three-and-a-half-to-one" on a call, limped, and I bumped it to $15 from the button with Ad 4d. Only she called. The flop came Ks Js 6d, she checked and I made it $25 to see another card. She obliged, to my disappointment.

The turn was an interesting card, the 8d, which was made even more interesting when she led out into me for $50. Such a bizarre card to take the lead on, and I'd been more and more active as the table got shorter, so it seemed like a fairly obvious bluff, and if it wasn't I had the backdoor flush draw to fall back on. I call, mostly to float.

The turn gave the Tc, not the greatest card, but a long way from a disaster. I felt like maybe she had 9T and decided to float the flop with a gutshot and lead out when it became open-ended. Now she checked, and a quick glance in her direction confirmed that she was apprehensive and would likely be unwilling to call a big bet. I cut out $150 and stuck it in. She grumbled to herself for a few seconds, but folded.

This one I didn't show, not wanting to be the asshole that just bluffed the only girl not just at the table, but in the entire poker room.

That hand gave me a measly profit of about $50, and I eventually took my leave. It was past midnight, and I had a half hour drive in front of me.

I'm definitely going back, and soon. Playing live is an entirely different atmosphere, and against these players it should be a nice little boost to my bank account in stretches where I'm not working.