Sometimes I hate this fucking game

I haven't been playing much over the past few days, and by "much" I mean pretty much "at all", as I've been busy getting ready for my move, which is coming up in just over a week. However tonight, while bored and watching the Olympics, I saw that there was late reg for a $50+5 tournament and figured I'd hop in.

It was only after I was at the table that I realized it was a fucking $50+5 rebuy, which is frankly a bit above my pay grade. Those things can get bloody expensive if played right.

Still, I'm not just going to piss away $50 by playing it like it wasn't a rebuy, so while I didn't play like a complete maniac, I did man up and put up the initial rebuy. Getting knocked below 1500 by a guy that rivered a flush in the face of extreme value betting on my part with TP, I rebought again. I then took an atrocious beat with AA < 68s, all in pre, and manned up and rebought again, twice.

That rebuy stuck, and I made it to the first break with a healthy 7500 chip stack, manning up for the add-on that took me to 9500, considerably above average.

I played very snug for the majority of the tournament, not getting fancy as it was a very reraise-happy crowd and generally very good and aggressive. The good news was that a lot of the aggression was frankly blind, and the players didn't realize that I was playing very tight, so when I did have a hand I usually got paid off. I won with AK against AJ all-in pre, AK against an unknown hand that called two near-PSB's on an A high flop and folded to my river bet, AA > AQ all-in pre, and KK > AT all-in pre. Playing snug took me to the bubble. Top 18 spots paid.

We actually languished at 19 for a while and I had a nervous moment after calling a minraise from the BB with TJ suited in a BvB, flopping TP and a gutshot, facing a c-bet and shoving; dude tanked forever before folding, but by the end I was convinced I definitely wanted a call. That put me in a healthy spot and I caught crap and folded before we finally eliminated a bubble boy.

The bubble was $300, which apart from the rake was exactly what I was into the tournament for. That's nice enough, except that I played very snug from there on out as I caught crap, until finally stealing the blinds a couple of times with JT, then AK, then AA. We eliminated 18th and 17th place finishers after a very long while and I was sitting at a low-but-not-critical stack of 33,000 chips with 1500/3000 blinds.

Finally I caught AA utg and raised to 7800. A MP player instashoved his 45k stack in and I called. He shows TT; the flop is a harmless K96, but the river is a fucking ten. I miss my 2-outer on the river and am sent packing, having played for over three hours to lose $5. Could have been worse, I could have lost $300, but still, completely fucking soulcrushing.

Every donkament I've been in lately has been the same. I go deep, and either get knocked out on the bubble or just after in a ridiculous cooler or horrible beat. I know, I know, if you get it in 5 times as an 80/20 you're only 40% to win all 5, so in a sense I was on borrowed time, but every fucking time it's a pot that if I manage to avoid the suckout I'm among the chip leaders and in a good position to go deep. Winning that pot would have put me over 70k in chips, which was 4th place, a very respectable spot (particularly since the chip leader was only at like 110k; very much in striking distance). The others at the table were decent, but I had built up a nice nitty image that I felt I could really take advantage of. It seems like it's been forever since I final tabled a tournament, and while I don't play many of them, it's still disheartening as hell.

I suppose I shouldn't complain. I made a mistake and bought into a tournament I wasn't really rolled for, and rebought several times when I could have cut my losses, and it didn't turn out that badly as I did make my money almost all back. But first prize was $8800; that would make my month and then some.

If I play enough of these donkaments I will break through eventually, I'm sure. The play is so terrible, particularly in the early rounds, that I feel the edge of a good player is pretty enormous. But keeping a level head about them can get tricky at times.